These emotions often wind up clouding a person's <span class="noglossary">judgment</span>. You can find yourself doing things and saying things you never thought you would, or doing things you promised you'd never do again. (In fact, there's a rather cynical saying that you never really know someone until you break up with them.) You can find yourself looking at your partner and wondering who the hell this person really is, and how can they possibly be so different from the person you were together with for so long. Unrecognized and unmanaged emotions can take over the emotional and legal processes of separation like a runaway train and take you down tracks you never anticipated.

The turbulent stew of emotions involved in separation are normal. Everyone experiences them, although we each process these emotions in our own way. From a lawyer's perspective, the key legal problems that must need to be processed sorted out in the midst of these distorted and confused feelings areinclude:

#settling the legal issues that crop up at the end of a relationship,;#obtaining getting sensible, reasonable and rational instructions from the client,;#separating anger from the negotiation process,;#separating anger from the litigation process; and, and#ensuring making sure that the conflict doesn't spill out onto the children.

The vast majority of couples people can resolve their issues through negotiation or mediation, no matter how angry they are with one another. Where a couple When people simply cannot separate the emotional baggage of separation from the resolution of the legal issues that come at the end of their relationship, litigation may be inevitable.

Many A number of studies have shown that mediation and collaborative settlement negotiation processes produce agreements that are better for both parties and better for the children, and that last longer than the results of litigation. Mediation and collaborative processes negotiation can help a couple to people work through their individual separate emotional issues and can produce result in an agreement that isn't so much a legal contract as it is a moral contract. Parents especially tend to deal with each other, and with their children, with a lot less rancour following a mediated or collaborative resolution of their problemsrather than a litigated resolution.

Litigation is sometimes necessary, even when a couple is people are capable of engaging in a less antagonistic choice: when a party threatens to flee with a child; where there is a history of abuse or where abuse seems imminent; and, where a party is threatening to do something rash with family property. When litigation is provoked by emotions arising from the end of the relationship and isn't really necessary, then you can run into some serious and expensive problemsdispute resolution process:

*One or both people will adopt an entrenched and unreasonable position about things like the children and other family issues, sometimes a position that they would never have considered taking. Sometimes positions are adopted out of spite or vindictiveness.*The emotional tension will worsen, particularly #when you see things you thought were long buried in the past put into an affidavit. There will be backstabbing, accusations, and wounded feelings.*There is an increased risk of the children being used someone threatens to goad the other parent, although sometimes unintentionally.*There is an increased risk of the alienation or estrangement of flee with a child from a parent, and the permanent impairment of the child;#when there's relationship with that parent.*There will be many interim applications and the litigation may not be settled, even with a trial. In circumstances like these, the litigation many never truly end, especially when there are children involved.*The litigation will cost an enormous amount history of moneyfamily violence, or where abuse seems imminent; and you risk losing the equity in the family assets to court fees and legal fees.,*At the end of the day, you risk being permanently unable #when someone is threatening to communicate effectively do something rash with your former partner. This can be a serious problem when children are involvedfamily property.

However, when litigation is provoked by the emotions arising from the end of the relationship and isn't really necessary, you can run into some serious and expensive problems you may not expect. *One or both people may adopt entrenched and unreasonable positions about things like parenting children or support, sometimes positions that they would never have considered taking. It's never good when people adopt positions out of spite or vindictiveness.*Emotional tensions will escalate, particularly when you see things you thought were long buried in the past put into an affidavit. There will be backstabbing, accusations, and a whole lot of wounded feelings.*There is an increased risk that the children will be used to goad the other parent, although sometimes this happens unintentionally.*There is an increased risk that the children will be alienated or estranged from a parent, potentially at the cost of the permanent impairment of the child's relationship with that parent.*There are likely to be an unusually large number of applications brought before and after trial. In cases like this, the litigation many never truly end, especially when there are children involved.*The litigation will cost an enormous amount of money, and you risk losing everything to court fees and lawyers' fees.*At the end of the day, you risk being permanently unable to communicate effectively with your former partner. This can be a serious problem when you have children and need to be able to maintain a functioning relationship with each other as parents. As a result of all of this, it can be critical to get a grip on your emotions &mdash; or to ''start'' getting a grip on your emotions &mdash; right out of the starting gate. While all of these emotions feelings are common, natural, and entirely understandable, failing to recognize and manage them can lead to disastrous short- and long-term consequences to your emotional well-beingwellbeing, your relationship relationships with your children, your children's emotional well-beingwellbeing, and your financial situation. If you are having trouble managing your feelings and you have children, please try to see a counsellor as soon as possible, especially if you have children.