Your choice of lawyer can play a large an important part in determining how your separation unfolds. Many lawyers are quite open to negotiation, mediation and collaborative settlement processesnegotiation, while a few others see litigation as the only sensible means of resolving a dispute, particularly lawyers who have a reputation as being "bulldogs. " Other lawyers do tend not to take their duty to respond promptly to correspondence particularly seriously, which will delay things and may result in an unnecessarily large number of interim applications. Still other lawyers see their duty as limited to militantly carrying out their clients' instructions, without supplying a great deal of much in the way options or cautions sensible advice as to the likely effect of those instructions.

The best family law lawyers give their clients a common-sense analysis of their situation, based on probable outcomes and their expert knowledge of the law, and encourage their clients to take positions that are objectively reasonable. These lawyers will usually pursue settlement, both before and after litigation has started, and see litigation as a last resort. They are open to negotiation and mediation and other out-of-court processes, although they may prefer a result-oriented , evaluative mediation process rather than the lengthier traditional mediation process that also tries to address emotional issuesprocesses.

While some people, particularly those in angry separations, feel an almost irresistible urge to go out and hire the toughest bulldog lawyer around to exact revenge against their former partner, bulldogs rarely bulldog lawyers usually see any resolutions other thanonly two options for resolving a legal dispute: a settlement on exactly the unreasonable, extortionate terms their clients wantclient demands; or, a knock-down , drag-'em-out trialfight at a twenty-day. These lawyers cost the most, and you can expect the litigation process to drag out for an ungodly amount of time — , with absolutely no guarantee of a better result than what you would have had if you'd taken a different, less antagonistic approach. (In fact, my informal observation is that the success rate of bulldog lawyers is actually lower than that of lawyers known to be reasonable and take a pragmatic approach to their clients' disputes. They're certainly more expensive, but they're no more successful.)

Even if you are in an angry separation, step back and take a deep breath. Take several breaths. Remember that even though you may hate your former partner at present, you will 'll have to live with the consequences of a hasty litigation decision to litigate, and your the unreasonable positions you take now may haunt you well into the future. You might also lose your house to pay your lawyer's fees.

How do you find a reasonable lawyer? By reputation. Ask around; talk to friends who have had to deal with family lawyers before; ask for referrals from the other professionals in your life. You can also window shop. You don't have to hire the first lawyer you have a consultation with; go ahead and set up meetings with a bunch of different lawyersuntil you find one you like, but remember that the best advice you get isn't necessarily the advice you like. You can find additional information about hiring a lawyer in the chapter about [[Introduction to the Legal System for Family Matters|The Understanding the Legal System]]chapter, in the section "[[You & Your Lawyer|You and Your Lawyer]]."

You should also know that many lawyers who litigate are also accredited family law mediatorsand arbitrators. If the lawyer you're speaking to is also a family law mediatoror a family law arbitrator, you may want to enquire about the possibility of using their services to mediate resolve your dispute before you say much more about your case. If you give the lawyer too much information about your situation, they may not be able to assume the impartial role demanded of a mediatormediators and arbitrators.