Part of what's going on when a long-term romantic relationship ends is the redefinition of the personal relationship between the people involved in the romantic relationship. People who were once lovers and confidants must, especially if they have children, find a way to work together in a more business-like relationship with no presumptions of intimacy, trust or altruistic sacrifice. The differences in these two types of relationships are largely about real boundaries and anticipated boundaries.

Privacy expectations, and the boundaries they imply, are a source of frequent conflict when relationships end. Since it can be hard to respect a former partner's privacy when your relationship has become adversarial, let's spell out some of the more basic rules.