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→Choosing your lawyer
The best family law lawyers give their clients a common-sense analysis of their situation, based on probable outcomes and their expert knowledge of the law, and encourage their clients to take positions that are objectively reasonable. These lawyers will usually pursue settlement, both before and after litigation has started, and see litigation as a last resort. They are open to negotiation and mediation and other out-of-court processes, although they may prefer a result-oriented, evaluative mediation process rather than the lengthier traditional mediation process.
While some people, particularly those in angry separations, feel an almost irresistible urge to go out and hire the toughest lawyer around to exact revenge against their former partner, bulldog lawyers usually see only two options for resolving a legal dispute: a settlement on exactly the unreasonable, extortionate terms their client demands; or, a knock-down, drag-'em-out fight at a twenty-daytrial. These lawyers cost the most, and you can expect the litigation process to drag out for an ungodly amount of time, with absolutely no guarantee of a better result than what you would have had if you'd taken a different, less antagonistic approach. (In fact, my informal observation is that the success rate of bulldog lawyers is actually lower than that of lawyers known to be reasonable and take a pragmatic approach to their clients' disputes. They're certainly more expensive, but they're no more successful.)
Even if you are in an angry separation, step back and take a deep breath. Take several breaths. Remember that even though you may hate your former partner at present, you'll have to live with the consequences of a hasty decision to litigate, and the unreasonable positions you take now may haunt you well into the future. You might also lose your house to pay your lawyer's fees.