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→Managing conflict
It's easier to say that you'll manage your conflict with the other parent than it is to do. A lot easier. And yet the research about parenting apart and how children adapt to the separation of their parents is full of grim warnings about the serious effects conflict can have on children. No matter how hard it is to manage your conflict, you've ''got'' to try your best.
Sometimes, a little bit of work on your communication skills helps. Partly, good communication after separation is about leaving the past behind you, at least as far as the end your relationship is concerned, and choosing your words carefully, think not just about what you're saying but about how the other parent will is likely to hear what you're saying. There are also some really effective communication techniques that will help you have difficult conversations, such as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening active listening], being alert to the assumptions you're making, and being aware of how your body language and how it influences what other people think you're saying. Bill Eddy, a lawyer and social worker known for his work with high-conflict families, talks about poor communications can put people into a defensive "react" mode rather than a constructive "respond" mode. Mr. Eddy says that communications after separation should be brief, informative, friendly and firm, and I recommend his book on the subject, ''[https://www.amazon.com/BIFF-Responses-High-Conflict-Personal-Meltdowns/dp/1936268728 BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns]''.
Another thing that might help is establishing good boundaries, boundaries that reflect the new relationship you have with the other parent. Dr. Robert Emery, a therapist and professor of psychology, says that you should first draw clear boundaries around your relationship with the other parent. Let them know what you're prepared to talk about, what information you're prepared to share, and how and when you're not prepared to communicate. Second, use those boundaries to form a more business-like relationship with your former partner. The two of you may not be friends, but together you are engaged in the "business" of parenting your children. Keep your emotional distance from your former partner and focus on the work you must do together. Finally, you've got to respect the new rules. Don't intrude past those boundaries; keep your discussions focused on parenting. It may be hard not to react when your former partner pushes your buttons, but it's important to try. I also recommend Dr. Emery's book about parenting apart, ''[https://www.amazon.com/Truth-About-Children-Divorce-Emotions/dp/0452287162 The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive]''.