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→When responses fail
===When responses fail===
Sometimes, there is 's nothing to be that can done to restore the relationship between an estranged or alienated child and the rejected parent. Counselling and other interventions may not have succeeded; a child's negative views of a parent may have been allowed to sit for so long that they are deeply entrenched and can't be changed; or, steps to enforce a parenting schedule may have failed in the face of a child's threats to run away or hurt themselves if they're made to see a parent. At other times, a parent may have run out of money and not be able to continue fighting for the steps actions that might revive the child's relationship with them. The emotional toll of the fighting in court may be too much; or, all of the battles in court are may be causing more harm to the child than the loss benefit of restoring the child's relationship with a parent.
In circumstances like these, a rejected parent may decide to give up the fight, or a judge may decide that nothing is ever going to change the child's views about the parent. While these outcomes are tragic and profoundly upsetting, sometimes it's best , and even necessary, to just to stop.
It's important to know, however, that reconciliation between the child and the parent can still occur, although this may not happen until later in the child's life, when the child is older and more mature. This sort of "spontaneous reconciliation," as the research calls it, can and does occur. Although no one can count on this sort of thing happening, there are a few steps the rejected parent can take to encourage the chances of reconciliation down the road:
*'''Stay in touch:''' Make a point of sending the child greeting cards for important events such as birthdays and important public holidays, always with a return address on the envelope and providing current contact information. It's important to include personal messages, keeping those messages relatively light and supportive in tone and avoiding intense expressions of emotion that might discourage the child from wanting to read the card.
*'''Create a private social media group:''' Create a private group on social media platforms like Facebook to post personal news and updates in a way that is accessible to the child and lets them keep up to date on life events without having to directly communicate with you if they'd rather not.
*'''Keep your contact information current:''' Sometimes all that can be done is to wait until the child is old enough that they begin to look back on their own childhood with more objectivity, perhaps in their late teens or in their 20s, reexamine their experiences and relationships, and reach out on their own. However, it's important to make sure that the child can contact you, by email or telephone, or can find you on social media.
==Resources on children who resist spending time with a parent==