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This last template has the children with each parent every other week, and is sometimes called a ''week on, week off schedule''. The children only transition move between home A and home B once per week, and the transition day can be moved anywhere in the week. Transitioning Moving between homes on Mondays or Fridays after school will usually cause the least disruption from the point of view of the kids and their teachers.
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*both parents could share all parental responsibilities, which will require them to talk to each other when bigger decisions about the kids need to be made,
*one parent could have all parental responsibilities, which will allow that parent to make decisions about the kids without having to consult the other parent,
*both parents could share all parental responsibilities, but one of them will have the final say in case the parents don't agree about a decision, or
*parental responsibilities could be divided between parents, so that each parent has the final say about decisions relating to one of their responsibilities in case the parents don't agree about the decision, or
*parental responsibilities could be divided between parents, so that neither parent has to consult the other about decisions relating to one of their responsibilities.
The point of a parenting schedule is to give everyone, including the kids, a degree of predictability and stability in their lives. A good parenting schedule should be something that each parent can map out on a calendar. You should know, today, at whose house the kids are going to be next October 12th. The kids should know, today, when they're going to change homes next and what they need to take from one parent's home to the other's for their school and extracurricular activities. Shift work rarely lets you do this.
There are no good options for planning a parenting schedule around shift work. At a minimum, the parent with the shift work will need to tell the other parent about their work schedule as soon as they find out about it — the more notice that can be provided the better! — and the other parent must be prepared to be as flexible as possible in accommodating the children's time with the parent. The parent with the shift work must accept that the children and the other parent have schedules of their own that may limit the time the children can spend with them. Both parents need to think about how care for the kids can be arranged when neither of them can do it, since few daycare providers work on a drop-in basis. And both parents must learn to be patient, tolerant and forgiving toward each other.
====Weekends====
Just like non-instructional school days, however, the problem isn't just dividing up the time the kids will be with each parent, it's also deciding how the kids will be cared for if one or both parents have to be at work. It's great to say that you should have the kids for half their spring break, but if you're going to be at work, how much fun will it be for them?
The summer holiday can be handled the same way as the winter break and the spring break, except we're talking about a much longer period of time. Parents also usually need to cooperate to make decisions about travel and vacations, the children's time with relatives, the children's participation in day camps and overnight camps, and the children's participation in sports during the summer holiday. While parents also need to figure out will how the kids will be cared for if one or both of them have to work, remember that there's no rule at all that summers have to be split equally. Other common reasons that summer holidays might not be divided equally include a parent's poor parenting skills or disengaged parenting style, a child who has trouble being away from a parent for extended periods of time, and a parent who usually spends a minimal amount of time with the kids the rest of the year.
If the children will be spending their time equally with each parent during the summer holiday, the easiest way to start planning the holiday is either: to agree that the ordinary week-to-week parenting schedule will run until the end of June and start again on the first of September, so that the time you'll be making special arrangements for are the months of July and August; or, to treat the summer holiday as a 10-week period, starting toward the end of June when school finishes and ending in early September when school starts. (That's the inconvenience that comes from having months that don't come in tidy four-week blocks.) The basic options for dividing the children's time are:
====Conditional and supervised parenting time====
Children's parenting time with a parent can be ''conditional'' upon the parent doing something, like buckling the kids into car seats when driving, or not doing something, like not smoking around the kids. If the parent fails to meet any of the conditions of their parenting time, they may not be able to spend time with their children until they do meet those conditions. Parenting time can also be conditional upon a parent ''not'' doing something, like not driving with the children or not smoking around the children.
In general, there needs to be some fairly serious concerns about a parent's lifestyle or behaviour, and the risk their lifestyle or behaviour poses to the children, before their parenting time will be conditional. As well, the conditions of a parent's parenting time should be no broader and no more difficult than is what is actually needed to address the concerns about that parent and the children's health and wellbeing.
A parenting schedule could also require that a parent's parenting time be ''supervised'' by someone, including the other parent, a grandparent, another relative or a friend, or even by a person who specializes in supervising parenting time. (There are a number of organizations that provide professional supervision services for a fee.) Just like conditional parenting time, supervised parenting time should be limited to circumstances when where the parent or their behaviour poses a risk to the children. Supervised parenting time is usually intended to be a temporary response to a short-term problem, not a permanent condition of the children's time with a parent.
====Children's reluctance or refusal to see a parent====
====Parents' failure to see a child====
Children benefit from stability and predictability; children with special needs especially benefit from stability and predictability. It is disruptive to them and to the other parent when a parent misses cancels their parenting time, cancels at the last minute, or just fails to show up at all. This is an absolute no-no. It sends a message to the children that they don't matter to the parent or that other things, like work, are more important to the parent than they are. As well, both parents need to be able to rely on their parenting schedule; this benefits children by giving them a reliable routine, and it benefits parents by allowing them to plan their lives when they're apart from their children.
Some flexibility from both parents is a wonderful thing, but a situation where a parent is always backing out, cancelling, or changing dates is no good for anyone. Both parents have an obligation to stick to their parenting schedule as much as possible. Sure, things sometimes happen that make it impossible to meet an obligation in a parenting schedule, but being late or cancelling a visit has to be a solution of last resort and can't become a constant feature of the children's time with a parent.