I Just Separated from the Other Parent of My Children

If you and the other parent of your children have separated, you need to make decisions about who will have parental responsibility for the children, which includes things like:

• making day-to-day decisions affecting the children,
• having day-to-day care of the children,
• making decisions about where the children will live, and
• making decisions about the children's education and extra-curricular activities.

You will also need to decide if the other parent will have parenting time or contact with the children, and how you will handle support (regular financial support for the children and, if necessary, you or the other parent).

First steps

1. Ensure that you and your children are safe. This may mean leaving the family home for awhile and staying with friends or staying in a transition house. To find a local transition house, try a Google search for "transition house" plus your community — e.g., "transition house victoria bc." Alternatively, look in the Yellow Pages under "Crisis Centres," or contact VictimLINK. The local police station can also give you information about transition houses and other victim services.
2. Consider whether you need a safety plan. A safety plan outlines steps you can take to protect yourself and your children. Having a safety plan means you know how to get help if your partner is abusing you. It is a good idea to ask a friend, advocate, or victim service worker to help you make a safety plan. For information on making a safety plan, see "Live Safe — End Abuse: Safety Planning."
3. If you are afraid of the other parent, one option is to go to the police station and ask to have help in obtaining a peace bond. A peace bond is an order of the court that can last up to a year, requiring the other parent to stay away from you and the children unless you consent to contact. Another way to protect yourself is to go to Family Court and ask for a family law protection order. For more information on seeking a peace bond or a protection order, see "Live Safe — End Abuse: Protection Orders."
4. If you need a lawyer but cannot afford one on your own, see if you qualify for legal aid representation. If you don't qualify for legal aid representation, or if you think you can resolve your issues through mediation, you may wish to contact a Family Justice Centre. Counsellors at Family Justice Centres can provide information, mediation and assistance with applications involving guardianship, parenting time, and support in Family Court. However, they have no jurisdiction to help with divorce or division of family property and debts.
5. If you want to apply for a court order dealing with who the children will live with, parenting time, or financial support, you can apply to Family Court. Family Court forms and self-help information are available online at the Family Law in BC website. Click on the shortcut "Self-help guides," scroll down to "Family orders" and click on the appropriate link. If you feel the situation is urgent, you may ask the judge to make the order "without notice," meaning that the court will make its order without your ex-partner having a chance to be heard or being notified in advance that you are seeking an order. Without notice orders are always interim (short-term) and your ex-partner will eventually have a chance to speak to the judge before a final order is made.

What happens next

If you qualify for legal aid representation, a lawyer will be appointed to represent you in your case and lead you through the court process.

If you apply for a court order, you will have to arrange to serve your ex with a copy of the application and notice of the court date, unless it is dangerous or impractical to do so. A court date will be set by the court once your ex files a reply.

Where to get help

See the Resource List in this Guide for a list of helpful resources. Your best bets are:

• Legal aid representation to see if you qualify for legal aid.
• Family Law in BC website, for forms, self-help materials and other legal information about family legal issues.
• The Clicklaw Wikibook JP Boyd on Family Law and in particular the chapter "Separation & Divorce."
• Family duty counsel (Provincial or Supreme), for some assistance on the day you have to appear in court.
• Family Justice Centres, to make an appointment with a family justice counsellor to discuss guardianship, parenting time, and support.
• Family LawLINE.
• Access Pro Bono, Lawyer Referral Service, and private bar lawyers.

Before meeting with a lawyer or advocate, complete the form Preparing for Your Interview included in this Guide. Make sure you bring copies of all documents relating to your case.

This information applies to British Columbia, Canada. Last reviewed for legal accuracy by Annie Kaderly, March 2013.

Legal Help for British Columbians © Cliff Thorstenson and Courthouse Libraries BC is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 Canada Licence.