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→Choosing your lawyer
===Choosing your lawyer===
Your choice of lawyer can play an important part in determining how your separation unfolds. Many Most lawyers are quite open to negotiation, mediation and , collaborative negotiationand arbitration, while a and see them as the preferred ways of resolving family law problems. A few others see litigation as the only sensible means of resolving a dispute, particularly lawyers who have a reputation as being "bulldogs" or "sharks." Other lawyers tend not to take their duty to respond promptly to correspondence particularly seriously, which will delay things and may result in an unnecessarily large number of interim applicationsin the absence of responses. Still other lawyers see their duty in family law cases as militantly carrying out their clients' instructions, without supplying much in the way of options or sensible advice as to about the likely effect of those instructions.
The best family law lawyers give their clients a common-sense analysis of their situation, based on probable outcomes and their expert knowledge of the lawand the outcomes that are probable outcomes in the client's circumstances, and encourage their clients to take positions that are objectively reasonable. These lawyers will usually pursue settlement, both before and after litigation has started, and often see litigation as a last resortor as a way of dragging the other side to the settlement table. They are open to negotiation and mediation and other out-of-court processes, although they may prefer a results-oriented, evaluative mediation process rather than one in which the mediator is strictly neutral and expresses no opinion on the strengths and weaknesses of the parties' positions.
While some people, particularly those in angry separations, feel an almost irresistible urge to go out and hire the toughest lawyer around to exact revenge against from their former partner, bulldog lawyers usually see only two options for resolving a legal dispute: a settlement on exactly the unreasonable, extortionate terms their client demands; or, a knock-down, drag-'em-out fight at over the course of a twenty-day trial. These lawyers cost the most, and you can expect the litigation process to drag out for an ungodly amount of time, with absolutely no guarantee of a better result than what you would have had if you'd taken a different, less antagonistic approach. ()
Even if you are in an angry separation, step back and take a deep breath. Take several breaths. Remember that even though you may hate your former partner at present, you'll have to live with the consequences of a hasty decision to litigate, and the unreasonable positions you take now may haunt you well into the future. You might also lose your house to pay your lawyer's fees.
How do you find a reasonable lawyer? By reputation. Ask around; talk to friends who have had to deal with family lawyers before; ask for referrals from the other professionals in your life. You can also window -shop. You don't have to hire the first lawyer you have a consultation with; go ahead and set up meetings with a bunch of different lawyers until you find one you like, but remember that the best advice you get isn't necessarily the advice you like. You can find additional information about hiring a lawyer in the [[Introduction to the Legal System for Family Matters|Understanding the Legal System]] chapter, in the section "[[You & Your Lawyer|You and Your Lawyer]]."
You should also know that many lawyers who litigate are also accredited family law mediators and arbitrators. If the lawyer you're speaking to is also a family law mediator or a family law arbitrator, you may want to enquire about the possibility of using their services to resolve your dispute before you say much more about your case. If you give the lawyer too much information about your situation, they may not be able to assume the impartial role demanded of mediators and arbitrators.