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→Introduction
In 1967, two psychologists, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe, published [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0022399967900104?via%3Dihub a study] showing that the end of a long-term relationship is one of the most traumatic events people will endure, second only to the death of a spouse or a child. That seems about right to me. This trauma leads people to do and say things that they'd never do under other circumstances. I've seen people behave far more cruelly toward family members in family law and wills and estates cases than they would ever behave to anyone else, including an enemy.
Maybe this odd and unpleasant phenomenon is where the saying "familiarity breeds contempt" comes from. But perhaps there's another cause than simple familiarity. When spouses separate, particularly when they separate suddenly, they go through an awful transition &mdash ; from loving partners who would trust each other with their lives to adversaries pitted against each other — in the blink of an eye. That's hard. Understandably, the transition fosters can encourage significant mistrust, ill-will and suspicion among everyone involved.
It takes a big person to accomplish this transition with care and grace. Very few people have the luxury of undertaking the "conscious uncoupling " Gwyneth Paltrowrecommends.
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