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→Introduction
You <span class="noglossary">may</span> have found that, during your relationship, issues involving the care of your children just sort of worked themselves out, perhaps smoothly, perhaps not. In general, you will have developed a routine, a routine that you and your partner were comfortable with and one that your children became accustomed to. After separation, that routine just may not be possible anymore, especially if you and your former partner are living in separate homes. Suddenly, the children can't rely on both of you being around the house, or on the day-to-day schedules you used to keep. They can't count on all the little things still happening, like the bedtime story from dad, special breakfasts, and playing catch after school with mom. On top of all that change and uncertainty, the children will be fully aware that something isn't right between their parents, even if they don't quite grasp exactly what's going on.
Separation can also see changes in the roles played by parents. A parent who hasn't been particularly involved with the children may become more involved; a parent who used to be very involved may step back a bit. This can be challenging for some parents, and what needs to be kept in mind is that children need all of the adults in their lives to do their best. A parent becoming more involved parent is almost always something that helps is good for children. What harms children is conflict, conflict in both intact and separated families. Sometimes stepping back, at least for a little while, can reduce conflict.
While this may sound a little preachy, the fact is that no matter how adults are able to rationalize the consequences of the end of their relationship, their children can't. Your job, regardless of your own emotional and legal entanglements with each other, is to protect your children from your conflict as much as possible, and to develop parenting arrangements that will be in the best interests of your children.