5,310
edits
Changes
→Children and parenting apart
When people have children, they have to accept that they'll remain a part of each other's lives until their children predecease them, whether they like it or not. They may no longer be partners, but they will always be parents. Parental relationships don't end along with romantic relationships. If you've had children together, you're stuck with each other.
It's impossible to emphasize enough how important it is to always put the children first. Having said that, putting the children's needs and interests ahead of your own can be an extremely challenging task when you're also trying to cope with the intense emotions involved in separation. It can be tremendously difficult to refrain from badmouthing your former partner to the children, never mind put energy into supporting their relationships with your former partner. However, if you care about your children, you don't really have a choice.
The reality is that it's not separation that messes kids up, it's conflict. Conflict between parents, whether they're still together or have separated, can have serious short- and long-term consequences for children. These consequences can affect their relationship with one or both of their parents, their performance in school and how long they stay in school, their choices about the other kids they hang out with, and their relationships with other people as teenagers and adults. It can also affect how children perceive conflict and how they resolve conflicts of their own.