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Difference between revisions of "Behaviour, Boundaries and Privacy after Separation"
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Behaviour, Boundaries and Privacy after Separation (view source)
Revision as of 19:33, 25 March 2020
, 19:33, 25 March 2020→Respecting boundaries, respecting privacy
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Part of what's going on when a long-term romantic relationship ends is the redefinition of the personal relationship between the people involved in the romantic relationship. People who were once lovers and confidants must, especially if they have children, find a way to work together in a more business-like relationship with no presumptions of intimacy, trust or altruistic sacrifice. The differences in these two types of relationships are largely about real boundaries and anticipated boundaries. | Part of what's going on when a long-term romantic relationship ends is the redefinition of the personal relationship between the people involved in the romantic relationship. People who were once lovers and confidants must, especially if they have children, find a way to work together in a more business-like relationship with no presumptions of intimacy, trust or altruistic sacrifice. The differences in these two types of relationships are largely about real boundaries and anticipated boundaries. | ||
Of course, problems can come up when our expectations of each other's boundaries don't quite match, and it's sometimes really important to talk about boundaries as a result. Setting and respecting each other's boundaries can be the key to making a difficult parenting relationship work. Here are some of the boundaries I've seen people use | Of course, problems can come up when our expectations of each other's boundaries don't quite match, and it's sometimes really important to talk about boundaries as a result. Setting and respecting each other's boundaries can be the key to making a difficult parenting relationship work. Here are some of the boundaries I've seen people use: | ||
#requiring communication by text and email rather than by telephone, or communication by telephone rather than by text or email; | |||
#setting limits on the length of emails and letters; | |||
#setting limits on the volume of communication in a given period, or the hours within which communication will be replied to; | |||
#restricting the subjects that can be discussed; | |||
#restricting the family members and friends who can be communicated with; | |||
#fixing the time and place where the children will be exchanged; and, | |||
#setting consequences for failing to honour boundaries. | |||
Privacy expectations, and the boundaries they imply, are a source of frequent conflict when relationships end. Since it can be hard to respect a former partner's privacy when your relationship has become adversarial, let's spell out some of the more basic rules. | Privacy expectations, and the boundaries they imply, are a source of frequent conflict when relationships end. Since it can be hard to respect a former partner's privacy when your relationship has become adversarial, let's spell out some of the more basic rules. | ||