===Formalizing the AgreementSettlement===

In mediation, as in all other forms of negotiation, the goal is to produce a fair agreement in an efficient and cooperative way. There are lots of things you can to do that will hinder this process, and other things you can do that will help. The following are a few tips on how to make mediation work for you.

Firstly, remember that the more you argue about a particular position of yours, the more you wind up being stuck with that position. Many people find that after they've argued a particular point to death, they're stuck with it because they can't back down without losing face. Try to focus on interests rather than on positions, and to always ask yourself "Why not?" when you hear what the other side has to say.

Secondly, one of the most important skills you can bring to your mediation session is the ability to actively listen to what the other side is saying. "Active listening" means involves paying close attention to what the other side is saying, and restating their his or her position to ensure that you know what he or she the other side means, and to ensure that the other side recognizes that you're hearing what he or she is saying. Phrases like "What I hear you saying is..." and "If I understand you correctly, what you're saying is..." can be extremely helpful. At the same time, you must also take some care in how you choose to express yourself. Instead of saying "You did... " or "You're a...,", say trying something like "When you did that I felt..." or "I feel that..." This may all seem a bit flaky, but, believe it or not it works.

The following points boil down to just a few central ideas: respect yourself and the other side; be flexible and avoid taking absolute positions; and, be honest and open. When you go into the mediation session, try to have a few options prepared, a few other alternatives which you might be happy with, rather than a single fixed, rigid goal. * Be honest. Trust is essential to the mediation process.* Be empathetic. Use phrases that indicate you understand and respect how the other party is feeling and thinking, like "I understand how you're feeling..." or, "I appreciate the effort you've put into this..."* Ask for a break when you're feeling too wound up or upset to continue, rather than abandoning the session.* Dress comfortably and be prompt.* If you disagree with something, say so. You must respect , and articulate , your own thoughts, opinions and feelings.* Bring with you the documents you were asked to bring. If you don't, matters will only be delayed and the other side may be irritated by the inconvenience.* Watch your body language! Making disgusted grunts, rolling your eyes or slamming your fist on the table will not won't help anything.

Suspicion and dishonesty will damage the mediation process, sometimes beyond repair. If the mediator doesn't believe you and the other party doesn't believe you, it is might be impossible to arrive at a negotiated settlement. Likewise, bitterness, jealousy and resentfulness resentment can also be triggers that undermine each party's faith in the other and make a resolution by a judge at a trial inevitable.

* Don't hide information, either financial or factualotherwise, on the assumption that the other party won't find out. They usually do, and if they do, the process is likely at an end.* Don't raise your voice or make comments that are hurtful.* Don't interuptinterrupt. Wait until each person has stopped speaking before you interject, no matter how upset you might feel with what he or she is saying.* Negotiations are stressful, but don't use drugs or alcohol to calm your nerves. Drugs and alcohol will impair your judgment and reduce your ability to be objective.* Don't feel that you must give an instant answer when you can't. Take a few moments or a few minutes to compose your reply; no one will begrudge a considered response.* Don't make personal attacks or threats.* Don't play on the other person's sense of guilt or otherwise be emotionally manipulative. In other words, don't be passive-aggressive.Back to the top of this chapter.

==UBC's CoRe Conflict Resolution ClinicGovernment Mediation Services== The CoRe Conflict Resolution Clinic is a non-profit mediation service run by student volunteers who have been trained by the Program on Dispute Resolution at the University of British Columbia's Faculty of Law. The program charges $25.00 per party to conduct mediation sessions run by a law student and a professional mentor.

Mediated settlements conducted The provincial government offers mediation for family law disputes through the CoRe Clinic are confidential, just as they would be if Family Mediation Practicum Project and the Provincial Court's family justice counsellor program. Other agencies and organizations may provide mediation was conducted through a lawyer or professional mediator. In additionservices, all discussion in the mediation process is made on a "without prejudice" basislike UBC's CoRe Conflict Resolution Centre, meaning however make sure that nothing which is said during the session they can ever be used in courthelp with family law disputes before trying to get help.

CoRe ClinicUBC Faculty The <span style="color: red;">Family Mediation Practicum Project</span> is run by the provincial Ministry of Justice and has two goals, to help people involved in a family law dispute resolve their differences out of Lawcourt through mediation and to train new mediators. The Family Mediation Practicum Project is free and can deal with simple property disputes, Annex 21822 East MallVancouverissues involving the care and control of children, BC V6T 1Y1Telephone: 604-827-5024Fax: 604-822-0308child support and spousal support.

:::: <span style==Government Mediation Services=="color: red;">contact information</span>

In April 2004, the provincial Ministry of the Attorney General started up something called the ===The Family Mediation Practicum Project, which has two goals, to help people involved in a family law dispute resolve their differences out of court through mediation and to train new mediators. This is a free service.===

The Mediation is also available from family justice counsellors through those Provincial Court registries that are designated as Family Justice Centres. Family justice counsellors are fully trained mediators, certified by <span style="color: red;">Family Mediation Practicum Project can deal Canada</span>, who work with simple property separated parents to assist in resolving disputes, issues involving over the care and control of children, child support and spousal support. Visit the projectFamily justice counsellors can't deal with property issues and they usually can't help with support when someone's website to learn more and to apply for their mediation serviceincome is not straightforward.

A :::: <span style="color: red;">list of Family Justice Centres is available from Attorney General's Family Justice website.family justice centres</span>

* <span style="color: red;">MediationCollaborative Processes</span>

The link below will open a sample collaborative process mediation participation agreement in a new window. You may require a PDF reader to view this file; Adobe Acrobat Reader is a free PDF reader available for download from <span style="color: red;">Adobe Software</span>. In this sample, Jane Doe and John Doe are entering into a participation agreement with their lawyersfamily law mediator, Alice Robert Smith and Sylvia Black. :::: <span style="color: red;">Participation Agreement</span> (PDF) This sample document is just that: a sample. While it represents a more or less accurate picture of how these sorts of agreements might look, it may not be applicable to your situation and may not reflect the terms of the agreement you will sign into if you decide to use a collaborative settlement process. Use it as a reference only.

In this This sampledocument is just that: a sample. While it represents a more or less accurate picture of how these sorts of agreements might look, our fictitious parties, Jane Doe it may not be applicable to your situation and John Doe, are entering into may not reflect the terms of the agreement you will sign if you decide to use mediation. Use it as a Mediation Agreement with their family law mediator, Robert Smithreference only.